Last week a coworker asked me: “How do you avoid acting on your first reaction? Is there a process you go through before responding or a tactic to curb the first negative reaction/defensiveness?”

This immediately reminded me of some advice I heard from Farhang Kassaei (CTO of Google Store) during his talk "You are in the communication business" at the Plato Elevate 2024 conference. His advice?

I don’t know if you've ever sat quietly in a meeting for 60 seconds, but I guarantee it will feel like an eternity! So, what should you do in those 60 seconds?

Here’s a simple framework: Pause. Process. Proceed.

Pause

For the first five seconds, you should just… breathe. If possible, remove yourself from the situation—physically or mentally. The goal isn’t to suppress your reaction but to create space between stimulus and action. That split second between stimulus and response? Stretch it. Even a five-second delay can mean the difference between reacting emotionally and responding wisely.

Process

Next ask yourself: What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? Are you responding to the situation at hand, or is something deeper being triggered? Naming your emotions reduces their grip.

Then, shift your perspective to the outside, with curiosity: Why is this person saying this? Which assumption could they be making?

Finally, shift back to yourself again: How would my best self handle this? What response serves my long-term goals? This should take you a good part of the remaining 60 seconds.

Proceed

Only after pausing and processing do you take action. Maybe that means saying nothing. Maybe it means asking a question instead of making a statement. Maybe it means waiting until tomorrow to respond. The right move is rarely the first one that pops into your head.

The best leaders—and the best decision-makers—aren’t the ones who never feel anger, frustration, or defensiveness. They’re the ones who don’t let those emotions drive the bus.

Next time you feel the urge to react, don’t. Pause. Process. Proceed.

Your future self will thank you.

-Ale

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